Major Mood Disorders welcomes Chad Barrisk as he describes his story

I suffered from depression for a long time and it’s bothered me for as long as I can remember. Mind you, remembering isn’t my greatest capability, only when it comes to regret. My regret had kept me unable to pursue my dreams, my goals, my desires, and to have a continuing relationship. It’s been rough for me, but I managed to find the light. Sometimes, it gets hard, but there are times when the will to push is greater than your current feelings. I’ve often wondered what life would have been like had I not been depressed. Here’s what happened that lead me to my depression.

The Beginning of My Severe Depression

It all started three years ago, after the loss of my wife and was left with our single child–Jordan. Jordan was only five at the time and was tremendously difficult for me to explain to him that his mother wasn’t going to come back. Our lives together was nothing short of tremendous, I had a great job, great salary and she worked as a psychotherapist and we had a tremendous living. We’ve been married for over six years and things were always going smooth, it was all like a dream and her death reminded me that no matter how great your life is now, something is always happening to make it difficult (this became my mentality since she died). It’s been terrible since and Jordan’s always missed his mother, could not at all face that she had been murdered by an asshole drunkard. Soon after she died, perhaps a month later, I started to lose focus and my nauseating severe depression was always hindering everything I did, leading me back to the same loop, the same thoughts, the same feelings that occurred the day she died. Why would anyone do that to her, why is what I always asked…

How Severe Depression Almost Cost Me My Job

My work performance suffered tremendously, I was almost fired for failing to maintain the standards of my duties. These responsibilities like banking and brokering reqiured a lot of attention and meticulous care, so as to ensure that all calculations were beyond satisfactory. In this line of work, sadly, there was no room for error. I liked it before but now not so much and I know why–my severe depression. This depression hung over me like a fog, waiting to ensnare me and take control of my body, making me feel physically tormented. It was like walking around with a noose tied around your neck, that every moment you can’t help but take the step off the chair and end it all.

My Epiphany!

If you have a child and were in my situation, you know that your spouse truly wanted you to continue their legacy, to be the best you can be for the sake of your child. Somethings can be conquered and I still don’t know to this day if depression will come back, but I know that Jordan remains an inspiration to me and his happiness is that which truly pushes my life forward. If you look into the eyes of your child, you know what I’m talking about, there’s something within them that inspires you, that makes you care for them, that really makes you happy and that’s what I found–that thing within Jordan that his mother had always known.